Valley of the Subconscious

As humans communication is the cornerstone of our lives, and we communicate in so many ways, mostly subconsciously. We communicate through words, body language, smell, touch, sound. We use every sense, including our sixth sense, which would be subconscious, to communicate with one another. There is a continuous assortment of energy and signals being transported from each other at all moments in time.

But even when we are using our conscious level of communication, we usually mis-communicate, intentionally or unintentionally, with those around us. One of the largest factors that build the walls between us and others is our egos. But communication is essential is the lives of humans.

You need to realize that everyone’s, each and every gesture, tone, word, etc., no matter how minuscule, has some meaning, and some significance, for you and the situation at hand. Everything we do in our lives is transmitting some sort of communication.

The problem lies, most times however, like I said, with our egos. We are so consumed with what we are trying to get others to see, understand, and accept, and what we are trying to communicate, and how we are feeling about how they are absorbing and relaying that information back to us, that we never stop to put ourselves in their shoes, and try to understand what they are, in turn, trying to communicate back to us. For every action there is an equal reaction.

A person whose thoughts and opinions I admire and respect, once said to me, “When a finger is pointing at others, there are three pointing back at them.” Blame in one of the surest ways to stop all effective communication, and destroy a relationship. We all, at varying degrees, question ourselves, and feel guilt, or shame, whenever we do not live up to our own, or other’s expectations. When you lay blame on others, you are going to get a reaction, but it will never be a positive one. They will either withdraw from you, feel that they are wrong and have failed, and it can lead to them being passive aggressive. Whether in the current moment, or later down the road, are can rest assured, they will resent you. We usually, however, blame others to take the heat off of us, and do not have the right, let alone superiority, to judge others. “He who has not blundered cast the first stone.”

One of the largest things that we blame others for is the way that we feel. We alone are responsible for the way that we feel, and the way that we choose to react to the ways that we feel. Once you choose to accept that fact, the sooner, your responses and communication will begin to change more positively. Not to mention, that you will become and feel responsible for yourself. What more FREEDOM can you ask for? When you constantly lay down your emotional wellbeing onto others, you give them, all the power, where do you leave yourself, but to be constantly in control of everyone around you. Take back your power, and responsibility for your emotions, reactions, and feelings. You choose.

Like attracts like; vibration attracts vibration; thoughts attract things.

When you become defensive, the other person is always, going to believe that you have something to hide. Even though you may be reacting to their misplaced blame, and begin to question yourself, which is all human nature, they will consciously, and/or unconsciously interpret your defensiveness as you having something to hide, which in turn, draws an attack. They will begin to loose trust in you. Until one of you is able to show the maturity and emotional wellbeing enough to move away from attacking and towards the other in the atmosphere of reconciliation, there will be a hurtful sequence of attack and counter-attack.

Sometimes we have to acknowledge that we are not always right, and when we take the time to listen to another’s point of view, many times, we find out that we have something to learn. When you lean towards having to be right all of the time, you distance yourself from others. Not to mention, making them feel inadequate or that their views, feelings and opinions are of no significance. Everyone needs to feel they are valued, accepted, and heard.

Another thing that we rarely stop to realize is that when we are having a disagreement with someone, they too are having the same inherent emotions that we are, even if they behave otherwise. You are both fighting to have your emotional needs met. Many times, that realization alone, along with showing them the empathy, which you are also seeking, will turn a conflict totally around to the direction of reconciliation, and effective communication.

One of the largest and most important factors in good communication, in my opinion, is honesty and showing vulnerability, and I wrote an entire article on the subject, “Honesty and Vulnerability The Key to Intimacy.”

Posted by searchingwithin at 8:26 AM