Resentment - What Are The Implications?

Sunday, August 31, 2008 3 comments

I write and study about relationships, on my blog “Open Your Heart to the Love”, and how the mind works, as I do mostly here on this blog, as a way of learning about myself, and the idiosyncrasies of the thoughts, reactions, and behaviors that make up who I am. Why is it that sometimes I behave in ways that go against my own values, and against whom it is that I desire to be as a person?

No one truly ever knows us, as much as they may think that they do. We ourselves, do not even totally know ourselves. How is it that someone else could possibly? For they are only seeing the portion of yourself that you are allowing them to see, or portraying yourself to be, they can not reach into the depths of your mind. Although, those around us, see a part of us, and things about our character, as bystanders and observers, that we are unable to be objective enough to see; but then again, they are looking through the mask of their own bias and perceptions, that have been formed through their own life experiences and teachings.

I am currently quite unhappy with myself. When something happens in our lives that we do not expect, it forces us to re-evaluate our understanding of the world. I have found myself in a position where I have not only needed, but been forced to accept the graciousness of others. I resent the fact that I need the help, and oddly enough, rather than being able to fully enjoy the gratitude that I should be feeling, I find myself growing in resentment towards those that have extended me their helping hand. Crass? That is certainly the way the other half of me see myself. That other half that knows the way I am feeling is irrational.

I feel like a complete and total failure, because of the fact that I need help to begin with, and therefore, every time a hand is extended that I deem to have no other choice but to take, only makes me resent them, because of it. I don’t want to experience the pain of feeling like a failure, or accept that I have no apparent control over this area of my life, so in an attempt to escape myself, I turn that disappointment and anger on them instead. It’s an emotional defense mechanism; one of those ways of avoiding our unpleasant emotions. Addictions, as in, over eating, not eating, drinking, drugs, etc., are all other ways we humans use to avoid those things that we don’t want to face, along with denial, and a whole list of other evasions.

Unfortunately, in my case, as with so many, when that helping hand is extended, normally along with it comes the false declaration of unconditionality, which in most cases, if not all, is falsely declared. For the saying, “nothing comes for free”, is always the case. There is always a price, whether it comes through money, or some other means of sacrifice. That is not to say that the one making the claim to unconditionality, does not truly believe it themselves at the time of declaration, however, they themselves, have a way of feeling resentment, when it is not returned in some way.

Also, there is the issue that with extending those hands, along with it comes the feelings of pride and grandeur, at the expense of the shortcomings and failure of another. That may not be the initial intention in some cases, although it is always there. Am I attempting to punish them for those feelings of grandness at my expense?

Only I have the power to change the way I am feeling, for along with resentment also comes victim hood. Am I subconsciously holding, brewing, and fertilizing my feelings of resentment in some attempt to allow my victim hood to expand? I hate the feeling of weakness, and victim hood, but is it serving me in some way; other than, in an attempt, to pass the blame of my dilemma on to another, or the circumstances surrounding it? Resentment serves no real purpose, other than to poison our own selves. So is there some underlying reason that I feel that I should punish myself? Especially when knowing the destruction that I am causing my own wellbeing? Could I be holding myself under some impossible ideal? Am I using it in an attempt to convince myself of my own importance? For they say that emotions such as resentment, are more dependant on inner need, than outer circumstances, for it is my own decisions, and conduct that brought me to this place of unhappiness.

I feel powerless to change the current circumstances, which infuriates me, and yet I am so willing to render myself even more powerless, by passing this feeling on to others. Is this my attempt at pushing them away, for they say that resentment is a wall, it is a resistance, a defense.

The fact still remains, it is not truly them that I am angry with, although they are the ones that I am directing it toward. It is me, and the frustration of the situation that I am angry with, and only I can change the way that I feel.

I’m going to leave you with just one more thought to ponder. Isn’t it amazing how a split second decision, can change your whole life and world? And had you chosen any one of the other options, it could have had a totally and completely different outcome, and those split second decisions not only effect you, but many others around you. So not only your life would have followed a completely different path, but so too, would have theirs. What appears to be a minor decision, leads us down a path of what appears to be, unrelated pleasure or calamity.

The first image was from by G. Muncaster, titled "Insanity Is Just A Thought Away"

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3 comments: to “ Resentment - What Are The Implications? so far...

  • Robin 8/31/08, 5:42 PM

    I love the honesty in your words.
    I could really relate to this post.
    Thank you.

  • BK 9/2/08, 12:38 AM

    Resentment is so powerful a strain on our positive energy. I can relate to your post because it is sometime which I am going through now. However, I am slightly different in the sense that I am not very willing to accept others' help at most time although I think it will be great if I have some helps sometimes. The reason why I am not willing to accept helps is because I believe in the individual's power to climb out of any challenges in life. As the saying goes, "no one is given challenges that he/she cannot handle." At time when I did accept help, I was full of gratitudes for the person who rendered that help.

    I hope that you will be able to release the resentment and thus release yourself from it.

  • 1/20/12, 2:14 PM

    cool, just like all of you have written and advised. Everything works as you write, probably because it's not a theory, but your personal experience.